Scott Sanfilippo - eCommerce Pioneer - Co-Founder of Solid Cactus - Yahoo! Store Owner - Luzerne County - Palm Beach County

“John, you’re worse than a used car salesman.” Or, “But Mary, I just wanted a kiss goodnight.”

On my way into the office this morning, I spied a billboard for a local car dealership proclaiming, “You Pay What We Pay!” It got me thinking about the many reasons car dealers have been the brunt of jokes since the first used Model T was sold on a corner lot in Flushing.

Last time I checked, car dealerships didn’t fall into the non-profit organization category for businesses. So how could one be so crazy to believe that the dealer is selling you the car for what they pay? Who is paying for the salesman, the flashy showroom, the finance guy who sells you packages at closing you will never use, not to mention the free coffee and cookies while you’re waiting for the “manager” to offer you their best deal.

Nobody is in business to lose money, including the dealer selling cars at cost.

So are they telling a little white lie in that message? Well, yes! After all, it’s marketing.

They’re selling you the car at cost, but are holding back any dealer incentives that may take hundreds off the invoice that they’re claiming is their cost. It’s nothing to lose sleep over but it does bother me that these type of tactics are used to lure in people who think they’re getting the “best deal” when they may not be even close to achieving that goal.

A quick Google search for the term “You Pay What We Pay” reveals this promotion is quite popular in the automotive industry and even computer giant Lenovo used it for a short time. However, how many people really question the business offering such a promotion? Not many. And until we do get ready for the “We Lose Money On Every Sale” event coming to a car dealer near you.

Unfortunately, it may draw a pretty big crowd.

“I Do.” Or, “Is That Caviar On Your Ascot Mrs. Wigleswarth?”

Summer.

The time of the year when every young couple wants to have the perfect wedding.

After all, nothing beats sweating your ass off under a plastic tent at a country club drinking warm beer and listening to people say, “doesn’t she look wonderful” all night long.

I haven’t been to a wedding in a couple of years but I’ve been part of conversations that evolved into the love-hate relationship people have with this custom.

For example, recently I heard about a lavish wedding held at an art gallery where everything was simply “over the top” and I’m sure the bill was too. A worthy investment in this time of economic strife? Honey, if you’ve got it, flaunt it. They’ll be divorced in 18 months anyway, so let mom and dad write the check, drink plenty of champagne and dribble caviar on their matching ascots.

I love the weddings where the bride and groom are from Podunk, WI but they want to get married in Croatia. They then expect the 300 people they sent invitations to, to immediately call their travel agent and plop down a couple grand to fly around the world at their own expense just to share in their connubial bliss. I haven’t been to Podunk, WI or Croatia, and wouldn’t travel outside a 50 mile radius to wear a suit, eat cardboard chicken and dance to “Celebration” while asking, “when is this over?”

The one type of wedding that I find amusing is one where the lucky couple attempts to make a statement to their invited guests:

• The “Green Wedding” – We’re being politically correct by using recycled napkins, recycled paper plates, biodegradable silverware, organic greens, free range chicken, tap water…. Maybe even the corn is recycled (gross). What it really means is the bride doesn’t shave under her arms, the groom has a slight tinge of body odor, the wedding will be over by 7 so they don’t have to use electricity to power lights and the meal is going to suck.

• The “Meatless Wedding” – We donate to PETA so we’re offering everyone a choice of either a roasted portabella mushroom or baked plantains for dinner that we grew in our own community garden here in our compound. What it really means is they’re too damn cheap so they’re feeding the guests free vegetables seasoned with whatever kind of compost they threw on the community garden. Typically etiquette calls for giving a gift of two-times the estimated cost of the meal per guest, in this case, five-bucks per couple should suffice.

• The “Elvis Wedding” – We love Elvis. We have all his records. We have a giant velvet painting over our couch. Not a single song has ever sung better than “Suspicious Minds” so we’re using it as our wedding theme song when we get married by the Elvis impersonator in Las Vegas who makes more money a year than Jack Welch. What it really means is “this ain’t gonna last.” Save your money, tell the couple you’re going to be at another wedding in Croatia the same weekend and drop the Elvis Greatest Gospel Hits CD in the mail for them as their wedding gift.

I’m not against marriage. If my parents weren’t married I’d be illegitimate. But I’m one who follows the “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free” philosophy. And with the cost of milk lately, getting it for free is a pretty good deal.

“The Ballad of WARMland.” Or, “Can There Be Two?”

Those who live in the Wilkes-Barre / Scranton area of northeast Pennsylvania will remember WARM 590 radio. It had a very rich history during its heyday and unfortunately was left hung out to die on its own by its license holder, Citadel Broadcasting.

Dave Yonki, who I happened to work with at WARD AM several years ago, maintains a blog called “590 Forever WARM Radio.” I’m going to have to put a shout out to Dave to see if he can help with this bit of WARM trivia.

While cleaning my office today, I discovered an old 45-LP that I picked up several years back but never played. It’s contains the Ballad of WARMland, a station promotional jingle, on one side and a commercial for the old Stop N Go drive-in restaurants on the other. I became confused as it started to play, as it was not the Ballad of WARMland that I have heard over the years. The one on this record was a PAMS jingle and sung by Terri Lee.

So which is the real Ballad of WARMland?

Here is the one that I’ve always thought was the real one:

Here is the one by Terri Lee:

And if you’re interested in hearing the Stop N Go commercial sung to the same music as the Terri Lee Ballad of WARMland, here it is:

“No Fumar.” Or, “Venezuelan Cigarette Propaganda.”

I don’t smoke.

I never have and I don’t plan on lighting up anytime soon.

I’m not a fan of cigarette smoke and lung cancer is a pretty good deterrent to keep me from heading down to the local convenient mart and dropping $50 on a carton of Lucky Strikes.

Back in the 1980′s, I had a yellow t-shirt with Joe Camel emblazoned on it. Not because I was a smoker, but because the character was cool. Such marketing was common until the government stepped in and banned such advertising that could attract youth to nicotine.

Today cigarette packs contain warnings about birth defects, lung disease and every other ailment that can be linked to smoking. Those warnings are plain text on a box emblazoned with the brand’s logo and are overlooked much like a 55 MPH speed limit sign on an interstate.

The other day a friend of mine from Venezuela pulled out a pack of Marlboros and I was instantly drawn to the packaging. Of course there’s the obligatory warnings, in Spanish, but these packs take the warning a step further with graphic images such as a syringe indicating that smoking is as addicting as a drug, or a picture of a mouth riddled with gum cancer, or a cross section of a healthy lung versus a smokers lung, and my personal favorite – the tombstone.

Such packaging is not seen here in the United States, but would be a welcome addition! Here are some photos, sorry for the quality as they were taken by my iPhone.