The most famous ocean liner in the world, Titanic, now has a shrimp named after her.

We buy into the spin every day whether it’s when we’re looking for a new vacuum cleaner such as the Oreck Halo that claims to kill viruses or a new Hyundai that claims to be the car with “America’s Best Warranty.” Nobody really challenges claims like these, nor has anyone ever sued Mary’s Sub Shop for having the worst cheesesteak despite her “world’s greatest” claim.

Superlatives are all around us and these words and phrases play a major role in our purchasing decisions, which is why they are used constantly. Whether the purveyor of the goods can actually back up these descriptors is another story. Some succeed, most fail.

I use the humble shrimp as an example.

The ocean’s favorite bottom feeder has a marketing life of its own in every restaurant in every corner of the world. Shrimp farmers raise various size shrimp from the tiny, tiny salad shrimp to the larger variety that make up a delicious shrimp cocktail. The fish industry assigned codes for the various size of shrimp based on the number that make up a pound. For example, the U-10 size shrimp mean you get 10 shrimp in a pound, whereas the U-15 comes 15 shrimp to a pound. Restaurants don’t normally tell you what U size the shrimp you are ordering will be, instead they use superlatives to speak about these diminutive crusteations.

“X-Large Peel & Eat”

“Jumbo Shrimp Cocktail”

Many times when the creature arrives next to a side of lemon and a dabble of cocktail sauce, we’re disappointed. X-Large and Jumbo aren’t quantifiable and one restauranteur’s vision of Jumbo may be a U-15 while another may be a U-6.

One of my favorite steakhouses is Old Homestead. With locations in the Meatpacking District in New York City, the Borgata Hotel & Casino in Atlantic City and at the Boca Raton Resort & Club in Florida, the Old Homestead has a unique take on the shrimp. They tossed aside the trite descriptors found on way too many menus and simply call their shrimp “Titanic” and it’s for good reason. These babys are U-4′s (4 to a pound) and at $9 a piece, they’re worth it.

I was in the mood for a good steak last night so down to the Club I went for dinner at Old Homestead. Now before you start adding this to your to-do list, the Boca Raton location is only open to hotel guests and Club members. Having dined here many times before, I knew just want I wanted and I wasn’t disappointed.

4 Titanic Shrimp from Old Homestead = 1 pound.	To put some perspective on the size. That's my thumb next to one of the Titanic Shrimp.
Here's how it stacks up to a 12oz Filet Mignon.	That's one Titanic Shrimp!
That's not a lobster, that's a shrimp.	And when it was all over, this is what was left.

While using the word “Titanic” to describe a shrimp may be a stretch of the imagination, compared to other descriptions of this classic appetizer, Old Homestead delivers upon the diner’s expectations.

Now if it were only that easy for cheesesteaks.

Apparently I wasn’t the only person to question the rationale behind such a crazy decision. But then again, the people in charge at WNEP are paid to make these executive-type decisions, so who am I to question them. But someone listened and now Jack Webb, Alfred Hitchcock and the Incredible Hulk now can be watched in the screen mode in which they were originally intended.

Thanks WNEP and thanks John Dawe for sending over the picture. I’ll be in town tomorrow to setup the TiVo to record some of my favorite classic shows now that they’re watchable.

WNEP2 Before.... (Photo courtesy of John Dawe)

...WNEP2 Now. (Photo courtesy of John Dawe)

AUDIO VERSION OF THIS ARTICLE AVAILABLE!

Photo from Carl Abraham's WNEP Tribute page at http://www.carlabraham.com/wnep.htm

I remember tuning into “Operation Snowflake” on WARM as Harry West would read the announcements which sometimes took a full 20 minutes only to be repeated again 10 minutes later. Frankie Warren on WILK did the same with their “Blizzard Wizard.” Radio is where you turned for the announcements because there was no Internet and the television stations, with their crawl, we’re too slow.

Soon television got a technology upgrade with fancy graphics and the highly annoying “shrunken screen” that reduced the visible program area to that of a postage stamp while the stations logo and closings dominated the tube. Stations began to embrace this new found annoyance and wrapped newscasts, breaking news and other events around the “shrunken screen.” Then came the Internet.

What used to take 20 minutes on a snowy morning now consisted of, “for the latest closings and delays, visit our website at….” Television, however, continued chugging along pissing off viewer after viewer with these announcements that could simply be scrolled at the bottom of the screen, but now are accompanied by ads for law firms, weather maps, and yes – the program – shoved up into the right hand corner of the screen. Some even let you know the screen was going to shrink by causing uncontrolled urination due to the blaring of some loud beep or buzz as if the world was coming to an end.

In northeast Pennsylvania we have an ABC affiliate, WNEP, who launched a second channel called WNEP2. Prior to last week it ran re-runs of the day’s newscasts and other locally produced programs. The on-screen format was, well, you guessed it…. annoying. Up in the right corner was the program, the stations logo down the left side of the screen, lower left was weather radar and bottom right was scrolling PSA’s announcing the latest chicken dinner or some other garbage.

It was truly a waste of bandwidth.

Then with much hype, WNEP announced that on November 9th, WNEP2 would become an affiliate of RTN, the Retro Television Network. Awesome! Now one can view episodes of Dragnet, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, Night Gallery and more. Having RTN as part of my television lineup in Florida, I was excited to see that I would be getting this channel when I was in Pennsylvania.

That waste of bandwidth I mentioned above, just got bigger.

The geniuses in charge of WNEP decided to broadcast RTN using the scrunched screen format. Can you say, “stupid?” Here is an opportunity for them to capture an audience who enjoys vintage television, only to turn them away by giving them a far from acceptable viewing experience.

When I first tuned into the channel, I laughed. Then I realized that while the lights may be on in their building on Montage Mountain Road, nobody is home. I posted in one radio forum that I frequent where this topic was discussed, “are there that many people in NEPA who want to know where the latest chicken dinner is being held that they need to keep this screen format?”

To show you just how the station is delivered, I have two photos for you to look at. The first is how RTN is seen on WNEP2 in Scranton/Wilkes-Barre and the second is how RTN is displayed everywhere else.

RTN as aired on WNEP2 - Photo courtesty of John Dawe

RTN as aired everywhere else.

Which one would you watch? I thought so.

Come on WNEP, give your viewers something to watch, can the annoying screen and take a lesson from school closings and delays – put the chicken dinners on your website.