For as much as I like Apple, I hold a certain disdain for their retail stores.

I’m sure you have experienced the overcrowded, over heated, wall-to-wall people atmosphere inside an Apple Store.

Like a meat market, you need to take a number to be served, then wait upwards of a half-hour or more to see an associate. All the while you’re shoulder to shoulder with people who for some reason feel the need to come in, sit down at a computer, check their email, surf the web and chat online like it’s the local Starbucks with free laptops.

I just don’t get it.  But I’m told it’s what makes the stores “sexy” – whatever that means.

I needed to get a new power supply for my laptop, so on Tuesday I headed over to the Apple Store in Boca Raton, FL. As usual, the place was swarming and I’m sure the number of people in there exceeded the number allowed by law.

There was little room to walk through the store, no clear sense of what to do or where to pay for your items. As I pushed and shoved my way to the back of the store, stepping on people’s feet and rubbing up against strangers, I found two versions of the charger I needed. One was 60 watts and the other was 85 watts.

Mistake #1 – Not knowing which one I needed.

I grabbed them both, thinking that someone in the red shirt with an apple on it would be able to tell me which one I needed and would sell me the appropriate one.

Mistake #2 – Thinking that everyone is knowledgeable on the products they sell.

After finding where to check out, I handed the associate the two chargers, explained what laptop I had and inquired whether I need the 60 or 80. His answer, “I don’t know, go over there and ask the girl in the red shirt.”

Looking where he was pointing, there were three girls in red shirts.

I slammed the chargers down on the table, said “f**k this,” and out the door I went. The associate, went on to the next customer.

Befuddled by what just happened, I ran the event over and over again in my head wondering why I just got hit with poor customer service from a company I thought I loved.

Maybe it was the heat in the store. Perhaps it was an overabundance of free loaders checking their email. Or, it was just another customer service person who doesn’t understand what their job is.

This incident reminded me that in business, you need to put your most knowledgable, outgoing people in customer facing roles. If you’re not doing that, you’re not doing yourself or your business any favors.

After all, you wouldn’t want one bad Apple to spoil the whole bunch.

It was a sunny, breezy Sunday afternoon.

In fact it turned out to be a very lazy, sunny, breezy Sunday afternoon.

Me and my friend Joe hung out at the beach which was being battered by 10 to 15 foot waves and swimming was not an option. So, after laying in the sun for much of the day, a banner toting plane caught my eye.

“Festival Flea Market. Over 500 shops. Visit today.”

Having just about enough of the melanoma inducing sunshine for one day, I said, “Do you want to go to the Festival?”

Little did I know what I just set myself up for.

Lets get one thing right out in the open – I don’t like flea markets. I’m not into buying other people’s crap. Sorry. Just not my thing.

However, how bad could this be?

My mahjong playing Jewish bubbe’s go there to get their “gear.” My brother goes there to buy cheap, obnoxious looking watches that he thinks actually look good on him. And friends tell me about the “bargains” they find at this local mecca.

Once inside, I immediately wished I never saw that plane.

If you’re looking to sell your old gold for pennies on the dollar, there were about two dozen places to do so, all of which promised the “Best Prices Paid.” Want some perfume or cologne? Well, there were just as many places to buy your favorite fragrances as well.

Joe bellied up to the first toilet water seller who immediately tried to sell him open bottles of cologne for $45. That offer quickly changed as the hawker behind the counter said, “But for you, I’ll sell any open bottle for $40.” Like a kid tugging at his mother’s skirt because he had to pee, I kept saying, “let’s go, let’s go” in an attempt to save him from losing forty-bucks.

“Oh Scott, these things are all real. They’re testers that never made it to the department stores. They’re OK.” Whatever, it’s not my forty-bucks.

Walking around some more, there were rows and rows of people selling cheap jewelry, things referred to as “collectibles,” clothing that looked like it wouldn’t hold up after the first washing and then my eyes caught something I would never expect.

Tooth whitening. A row of chairs setup in this hodge-podge of I-don’t-know-what, where you could get your teeth whitened. Really? I’ll stick to the dentist.

Just when I thought I’ve seen it all, we passed the “wigs while your wait” booth where you can buy a wig, have it trimmed and walk home with a new look. Not to leave the men out, there was also someone selling men’s hairpieces. I think I finally found out where (name deleted to protect the guilty) get’s his.

I’ve had enough.

But wait. What is that over there?

Do I see a sign for New York Pickles?

Score!

“I’ll have some sour, half-sour and some sour tomatoes please,” I excitedly bellowed to the guy with the Brooklyn accent behind the counter.

“Do you really think these are from New York?” Joe asked?

“Twelve bucks,” the pickle guy shouted.

I handed over my credit card and he said, “cash only” as he pointed to a nearby ATM.

“Yes, Joe. They are from New York.”

While shutterbugs in south Florida trying to snap photos of visiting celebs on Super Bowl Sunday, a large pellican enjoyed a few minutes of stardom as he made a unexpected appearance on the pool deck at the Boca Raton Resort & Club‘s beach club. After spending a minute in the pool, the large bird paused for photos as the paparazzi snapped away commenting on his unkempt quoiff of hair and noticibly worn coat of feathers.

Not wanting to be upstaged by any of the activity just down the road in Fort Lauderdale and South Beach, the big bird delighted those who were watching him strut around, obviously proud of illuding security and sneaking in through the front gate. Some spectators commented that he sneaked in almost as casually as Tareq and Michaele Salahi at a White House dinner.

After a few minutes of working the crowd, our feathered friend walked out of the beach and in a matter of seconds, flew due south. No word on whether or not he will play interference during tonight’s big game.

The most famous ocean liner in the world, Titanic, now has a shrimp named after her.

We buy into the spin every day whether it’s when we’re looking for a new vacuum cleaner such as the Oreck Halo that claims to kill viruses or a new Hyundai that claims to be the car with “America’s Best Warranty.” Nobody really challenges claims like these, nor has anyone ever sued Mary’s Sub Shop for having the worst cheesesteak despite her “world’s greatest” claim.

Superlatives are all around us and these words and phrases play a major role in our purchasing decisions, which is why they are used constantly. Whether the purveyor of the goods can actually back up these descriptors is another story. Some succeed, most fail.

I use the humble shrimp as an example.

The ocean’s favorite bottom feeder has a marketing life of its own in every restaurant in every corner of the world. Shrimp farmers raise various size shrimp from the tiny, tiny salad shrimp to the larger variety that make up a delicious shrimp cocktail. The fish industry assigned codes for the various size of shrimp based on the number that make up a pound. For example, the U-10 size shrimp mean you get 10 shrimp in a pound, whereas the U-15 comes 15 shrimp to a pound. Restaurants don’t normally tell you what U size the shrimp you are ordering will be, instead they use superlatives to speak about these diminutive crusteations.

“X-Large Peel & Eat”

“Jumbo Shrimp Cocktail”

Many times when the creature arrives next to a side of lemon and a dabble of cocktail sauce, we’re disappointed. X-Large and Jumbo aren’t quantifiable and one restauranteur’s vision of Jumbo may be a U-15 while another may be a U-6.

One of my favorite steakhouses is Old Homestead. With locations in the Meatpacking District in New York City, the Borgata Hotel & Casino in Atlantic City and at the Boca Raton Resort & Club in Florida, the Old Homestead has a unique take on the shrimp. They tossed aside the trite descriptors found on way too many menus and simply call their shrimp “Titanic” and it’s for good reason. These babys are U-4′s (4 to a pound) and at $9 a piece, they’re worth it.

I was in the mood for a good steak last night so down to the Club I went for dinner at Old Homestead. Now before you start adding this to your to-do list, the Boca Raton location is only open to hotel guests and Club members. Having dined here many times before, I knew just want I wanted and I wasn’t disappointed.

4 Titanic Shrimp from Old Homestead = 1 pound.	To put some perspective on the size. That's my thumb next to one of the Titanic Shrimp.
Here's how it stacks up to a 12oz Filet Mignon.	That's one Titanic Shrimp!
That's not a lobster, that's a shrimp.	And when it was all over, this is what was left.

While using the word “Titanic” to describe a shrimp may be a stretch of the imagination, compared to other descriptions of this classic appetizer, Old Homestead delivers upon the diner’s expectations.

Now if it were only that easy for cheesesteaks.

Thanksgiving. The day of the year that officially kicks off the holiday season where we’re all supposed to stop and give pause to everything we’re thankful for. It’s also the day where every business you’ve bought something from within the past 365 days sends you an email thanking you for being one of their valuable customers.

For me, Thanksgiving is nothing more than another annoying day of the year where I have to “spend time” with “the family” while everyone argues about who did what, why so and so can never be on time for dinner, why the potatoes are cold and who is to blame for voting Obama into office.

This year, I pledged not to host any holiday meals at my house. Not Thanksgiving, not Christmas Eve, not Christmas Day, not even New Years. This is a reversal from the past when I actually wanted to do this. Not any more. I’ve resigned myself to the belief that planning these things takes way too much effort for very little return.

As I’m writing this, I’m on a plane heading from Del Boca Vista to Pennsylvania where I’m scheduled to have dinner at my father’s house. I wanted to stay in Florida for the holiday, however my oldest brother has this warped view of “family” that just doesn’t hold its place in 2009. He envisions the perfect Donna Reed dinner where everyone smiles, says “please” and “thank you” when food is passed and we all enjoy the company of each other.

The reality is much different. What will end up happening is he will fight with my father about who is going to carve the turkey, chase my father out of the kitchen for lifting lids on pots checking to see if the beans are done, yell at my other brother and me for making off-color remarks and we’ll all leave full, but not wanting to see each other until next Thanksgiving.

So, I’m sitting in 2F preparing myself for the day that lies ahead and checking my bag to make sure I brought the Xanax to help me through the day.

But before I put the laptop away, I wanted to offer my own gesture of thanks for the things I’m most thankful for this holiday.

I’m thankful for duct tape. That magical, yet strong, adhestive tape that gets those of us who are not mechanically inclined out of so many troublesome situations. It also comes in handy on flights like today’s where kids are screaming. A little across the mouth and even the noisiest of flights can be quiet again.

I’m thankful for the lack of traffic heading to the airport this morning. Usually I-95 from Boca to Lauderdale is a mess this time of the morning with people heading to work, but on this Thanksgiving, I was one of about 50 vehicles on the road which made my 20 minute drive last 3 minutes less than normal.

I’m thankful for the federal government. No, no, no, not the guys in Washington, they’re all crooks. I’m talking about the Feds who are currently rooting out the criminal politicians in Luzerne County, PA. They nailed gangster judges Mark Ciavirella and Michael Conahan in the “kids for cash” scandal which will net these former upholders of the legal system prolapsed rectums after their stint in prison, as well as 17 other individuals who got too greedy. Jail time for a $1,500 tailor made suit? Only here folks. Only here.

I’m thankful for Farmville. I’m thankful I never even spent one second collecting sheep or whatever you do when you have way too much time on your hands or just want to steal time from the company while you browse Facebook at work.

I’m thankful for Twitter. Where else can I tell people what I’m doing in 120 characters or less. Mind numbing yes, but do people really care if I’m sitting at a bar next to a crossdresser named Louie (aka Louise) telling me about his/her/its upcoming gender reassignment surgery?

I’m thankful for Xanax, Lisinopril, Crestor, Lexapro, Cialis and Prilosec. Without my daily intake of these wonder-drugs I would be even more miserable than I already am. And who would want that?

I’m thankful for English as a Second Language. Without this program, the individual who rear-ended me on I-95 a few weeks ago would have never been able to tell the state trooper he was talking on his cell phone and not paying attention when he slammed into me in stopped traffic.

I’m thankful for airbags. As in the airbags that never deployed despite being hit by the above mentioned individual who was traveling about 45 mph at the time of impact. Special thanks to Ford Motor Company for that extra special treatement as well. Now I drive a BMW.

I’m thankful for Microsoft. Without them I would have never discovered the joys of the Mac. But I do miss the “blue screen of death” it always comforted me to know that Bill Gates hates me so much that he would make my computer crash just as I was finishing that report that took me 4 hours and never auto-saved.

I’m thankful for GoGoInflight. Without it my twice weekly, 2-hour flights to and from Florida would actually seem like 2-hour flights.

I’m thankful I have a Gulfstream V. I’m also thankful that AirTran charges me $12,431.00 less to get me back and forth to Florida.

I’m thankful that I’m dillusional at times. It makes life so much more interesting.

I’m thankful for purchasing ActiveFunShop.com. I never envisioned myself being a purveyor of sex toys, but it did inspire me to pick the title of my upcoming book which chronicles my life and business adventures. “From Ferret Clothes to Cock Rings.” Look for it at a book store near you in 2010.

I’m thankful for Rich Connor. He’s the owner/publisher/editor/janitor/go-to-guy at the WIlkes-Barre Times Leader. Only Rich could get sued by a competitor and settle out of court with his punishment being that he has to write a “letter of apology” to the other paper’s readers. Rich, I need your lawyers. Plus, you owe me a steak dinner at your house, like an elephant, I never forget.

On a serious note, this year has been one that I will never forget and one that I want to forget. It’s been a year of triumph and despair. I went from riding high following the sale of one of my businesses to a publically traded company to hitting rock bottom when my best friend and partner of 16 years left me.

When I thought that I wouldn’t be able to go on without him and things looked grim, I challenged myself to start over, to reinvent myself and begin a new life without looking back, without regret and with all eyes on the future. I would have never, ever, been able to accomplish this without the help, support and ears of so many friends and family members. I’m not going to mention them by name here, because I don’t want to inadvertenly leave anyone out, but you know who you are.

I’m thankful for Kleenex. Because I still cry. I cry a lot. But I smile too, knowing that life isn’t that bad. Knowing that life does indeed go on. And knowing that there are many, many things to be thankful for even if they’re going to be annoying the hell out of me at dinner in about five hours.

If you have an interest in wild birds, or just want to keep your feathered friends happy, visit my wild bird store! Come on, do it!

I grabbed my trusty Canon PowerShot and headed over and started snapping away. What I captured was several green parrots. You might be wondering, “are parrots native to Florida?” Well, the answer is “no.” According to one report:

In the 1960′s pet parrots became quite popular and there was a huge business importing parrots that were caught in the wild elsewhere. It is thought that the wild parakeets in Florida originated from these birds that somehow got loose before being sold off. Since these birds were not domesticated and already had to fend for themselves in the wild, it was easy for them to adapt to life in Florida and multiply to the flocks present today. (http://www.epet-center.com/wildparakeetsinflorida.html)

Up the road in Palm Beach, parrots have been on the island since the 1940′s when they were imported. The famous Breakers Palm Beach hotel is home to several endangered wild green-cheeked Amazon parrots. Occasionally, some scally-wags will attempt to steal the parrots and sell them at a pet store, but as this article from The Palm Beach Post says, parrot theives face a stiff fine if caught:

Trapping birds on the island can result in a $250 fine for the first offense and $500 for subsequent offenses. Whoever trapped the birds could also face arrest on trespassing charges for going onto Breakers property without permission.

While I enjoyed the beauty of these afternoon visitors, I hope you do as well in the photos that I’m sharing with you below.

AUDIO VERSION OF THIS ARTICLE AVAILABLE!

So I’m sitting at my cabana at the Boca Beach Club enjoying a simply gorgeous Sunday afternoon watching the ocean’s waves crash on the shore and suddenly I hear another crash I wasn’t expecting.

A black bird, flew head-on into a glass panel that makes up the balcony. I had an office once where birds would fly into the windows only to shake it off and be gone in a few moments time. This one however, did not make it.

I went over to check on him, and unfortunately, he died instantly. He was flying with about 5 other birds who immediately flew to where he was screeching loudly trying to figure out what went wrong. One fairly large bird was perched atop the roof, keeping guard over the deceased and would flap his wings loudly when I would get near the departed.

His partners and friends were obviously upset and just buffeted my belief that animals, like people, have feelings and emotions even tho they may express them differently. In order to quell the other birds, I covered their friend up and they dispersed once they could no longer see him.

This whole incident made me stop for a moment and reflect on just how important it is for each one of us to live our lives to the fullest each day. Live each moment as if it’s your last and don’t stop doing what you love to do. Today you could by flying high and in an instant hit that glass wall.

The hurricane season in south Florida proved to be uneventful, which for me is good. However, just as we’re ready to put an end to the season, a wicked woman by the name of Ida is churning in the North Atlantic and the entire state of Florida is in the cone of probability. She is expected to be called Hurricane Ida later tonight as her winds increase.

Several models are showing the path taking a turn to the gulf while two models show her headed smack dab into my backyard – something I’m not looking forward to.

While we won’t know more until later in the week, the winds this weekend have been topping out at 25mph with guts up into the 30′s. These winds have kicked up the waves on a normally milky smooth ocean and kept swimmers in the pool instead of the beach. I took some video of the ocean’s waves and the wind around 10am this morning in Boca Raton, FL.

Headbanger’s Holiday
Yesterday was Halloween, the one day a year when kids think the world owes them a sugar high. I don’t get the whole “Halloween thing.” Yes, as a child I too dressed up in ridiculous looking costumes, parading down the street and ringing doorbells at night singing silly ditties looking for a handout. Then upon returning home, usually spent the night vomiting due to the excessive candy intake.

Now I spend Halloween with the lights out, the doors bolted, shades drawn and as far away from my house as I could be.

So before heading to Arturo’s in Boca Raton for dinner last night, I took a shower. While exiting, I slipped, slammed my head off the marble sink and went down for the count for about a minute. Happy Halloween.

With a massive headache and a bout with the dizzies I still managed to enjoy a great Italian meal at my new found favorite restaurant.

Today, the headache and dizziness was gone, but I can’t remember stupid stuff! I got lost going to the Boca Beach Club – a place I go to almost daily – had to look up phone numbers of people I call all the time, and couldn’t remember the password to log onto my laptop.

I’m not too concerned about it, after all, they say only the good die young. I’ll be around to 103.

The Flu
One thing I wanted to do today was get a flu shot. I was anticipating getting both the seasonal flu vaccine along with the H1N1 vaccine, but noooooo.

First off, it took visits to five Walgreen’s to finally find one with the vaccines available. Since you can’t get the two shots at the same time, I opted for the seasonal flu one since the line was a lot shorter.

Two and a half hours later, I had my shot. There were people waiting over four hours for the H1N1 vaccine, to which I say, never on a Sunday! So I have to wait till December to get the other shot and with my luck I’ll either have the swine flu by then or there will be no more vaccine available.

The Tube
While watching television this afternoon, I realized that we, the viewers, are getting the shaft!

I was watching a movie on TBS and I noticed that throughout the entire film, nearly 1/3 of the screen was taken up by the TBS logo and a promo for the George Lopez show. To that I say, WTF?

Look, I’m a marketing guy and will use every opportunity to get my message out there, but this is just a plain annoyance. About 10 years ago, the “bug” started appearing in the corner of our screens. That’s the station’s logo that sits down there to remind us that we’re watching NBC, like we would forget. Now, in addition to the “bug” we get static ads like the one for Lopez, or full video ads like you see on Discovery or The History Channel.

The images you see below show the screen I’m referring to along with the percentage of the screen that the ad takes up. I’m not a fan of this new type of advertising, as I think it’s pretty annoying. Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad if it only appeared for a few seconds here and there, but for it to be visible all the time, well, that’s unacceptable.

Maybe TBS and the rest of the networks who do this would like to pay 1/3 of my cable bill.

Yeah, right.

The original screen shot showing the position of the bug and the ad on TBS.

The same screen showing the percentage of the screen that is taken up by the bug and the ad.

What a wild weekend.

I closed on my new townhouse in Delray Beach, FL on Tuesday and managed to move everything from my old condo in Palm Beach in just one day. Granted I felt like a gypsy driving a convertible overflowing with suitcases full of my belongings, but if it weren’t for a car without a roof my move would have been more complicated.

I had to buy new televisions so I went to Best Buy and made my selection based on the size of the box that would fit in my car. Not a bad way to make a purchase. I walked out with two Samsung, 40″ LED televisions that have amazing picture quality, are super-slim and incredibly light. They fit in the car perfectly, except they had to go in on an angle, which is another reason I went with the LED over a LCD or plasma which have to remain level and upright.

When I got them home, I had to screw the stands mounting plate to the back of the television. Not a major thing. Except I didn’t have a screwdriver. I thought I pulled this thing off without a hitch, and bingo, sidelined by a Phillips head screwdriver. Off to Home Depot and a few minutes later, mission accomplished.

I sat back Saturday night with a sense of accomplishment as I ate a not-so-good Italian sub from Publix thinking that normally I would be at Taboo on Worth Ave in Palm Beach enjoying prime rib. Albeit, I was too damn tired to even eat the sub yet alone get dressed and go out for dinner.

I crashed and woke up Sunday morning to a simply gorgeous day. Before I headed to the Boca Beach Club, I shot some video of my new place to satisfy the curious who kept asking me what it’s like. I think it’s awesome! My next mission is to explore the neighborhood, find the good places to eat and learn the first name of every bartender in a 10 block radius.

I’ve got a lot of work yet to do.