I just finished noshing on some overdone, over-breaded chicken tenders and greasy french fries which my body will punish me for later when I’m 38,000 feet in the air. But the fries were sprinkled with sea salt so I think some part of that lunch may have been good for me.

I got to thinking about chickens as I dunked the tender into a ramekin of wing sauce. They’re a very versatile bird which us humans have managed to exploit completely. We use their eggs in cholesterol raising breakfast delicacies, enjoy their breasts, legs and thighs “original” or “extra crispy,” slather their wings in 20 different sauces and put our heads down at night on pillows filled with what used to keep them warm.

But what about the turkey?

This bird tends to only satisfy our craving for meat on Thanksgiving or if you happen to be at Disney World and have an intense desire to chew on a turkey leg. You can’t go to the golden arches and order Turkey McNuggets. Burger King has yet to introduce a Turkey Whopper. And I don’t see the Asian Turkey Salad on Wendy’s menu. Almost every good Asian-inspired restaurant has bird on the menu – duck and chicken – but no turkey.

Bad news for the chicken.

As we consume more and more chicken, the demand goes up. Someone said to me yesterday, “did you see the size of the breasts at KFC lately?” Not knowing whether I was stepping into a trap or not, I proceeded with caution. Unfortunately as the demand for chicken goes up, the chicken farmers need to rely on artificial means to get the birds to optimum size quickly and that may result in some chickens who are less bosomy than others.

I for one, enjoy turkey and look forward to the once a year treat complete with plenty of gravy, stuffing and instant mashed potatoes (as they taste much better than the peel-and-mash-by-hand type). Maybe it’s best we keep eating chicken and save the bigger bird for those special occasions.

After all, pumpkin pie just doesn’t taste as good with chicken as it does with turkey.

I’m not a huge fan of McDonald’s. I’m more of a Wendy’s guy. The little red head with the freckles has better chicken sandwiches and she makes one hell of a chili. But there is one thing on the menu at the golden arches that I love besides the fries, and it’s their pies.

Whether it be a hot apple pie or one of the hard to find cherry, I rank them up there with the TastyKake ones for a quick, on-the-go snack. Craving a dose of cholesterol, I stopped at my local Mickey D’s for a bit of lunch and grabbed a pie for dessert.

I became curious with the packaging that surrounded the pastry that I love. On the box was a warning that, “I’m Hot” and a picture of a man who resembles Barack Obama clutching a woman with a bad hair-do who appears to be sucking on his cheek. Next to this couple is the fast food giant’s slogan, “…I’m lovin’ it.”

Have I been missing out on the aphrodisiac quality of the humble apple pie, or is it “new and improved” with the addition of spanish fly? The young man in the illustration seems to be “lovin’ it” by the look on his face and while we can see both of his hands wrapped around this young lady, I have to question where her right hand is. The particular location of her appendage may account for the gentleman’s strange facial expression.

I have yet to figure out what the design on the package has to do with its contents, but who am I to question it? I’m sure there’s been research done showing that suggestive packaging on pie boxes results in higher sales. In fact, I remember when the movie American Pie came out, my local bake shop had a hard time keeping up with the demand for this delectable desert.

So if you’re feeling a bit randy on this New Year’s Eve and want to ring in the new year with a bang, head on down to McDonald’s, grab a sack of pies, hand one to your significant other, say, “I’m Hot” and after a while the two of you will be “lovin’ it.”

I stopped by the local Sunoco station to fill ‘er up yesterday and was greeted with signs promoting Sunoco gift cards for the holiday. With a clever take on the different grades of gasoline, the signs touted that the gift cards are available in “Regular, Plus & Premium.”

However, the pump was labeled as “Regular, Plus & Super.”

Being the curious devil that I am, I wanted to see if this was a marketing blunder or mislabeling at the pump. I found that Sunoco has four different grades of gasoline, Regular, Plus, Premium and Ultra 93. Super is nowhere to be found in that lineup.

As the stewards of the Sunoco “brand,” the oil giant should care enough to force stations to comply with proper labeling and brand identification – especially with the much marketed ULTRA 93 product. By not doing that, it only creates confusion.

But it’s only gasoline, Scott!

A good friend of mine, Catherine Shafer from CDS Creative put on a presentation during Solid Cactus Boot Camp called, “Your Brand is an Asset.” During the 90-minute session, she discussed the importance of protecting your brand and making sure it’s used properly. We all work hard building our brand and to see it used inappropriately is not good for business, which is why we should invest time in protecting it.

This example serves as a simple lesson in consistency and why enforcement of proper brand usage is important. A Big Mac is a Big Mac in every McDonalds. It’s not a Big Burger, a Big McD, or The Mac. It’s a Big Mac and that’s their brand and it’s what people order that sandwich by.

Super! Or is it….. nevermind.

P.S.: According to Sunoco, gas stations are not obligated to carry all four gasoline grades at their pumps which explains the absence of the fourth at this particular station. It’s doesn’t excuse the mislabeling, tho.