With only a few hours left until the holiday shopping season shifts into high gear, I have to ask…. are you ready?

No, I mean are you really ready?

Here are some things that I thought of that maybe you haven’t in regards to getting your operation ready for the mad rush.

Customer Service:

• Adjust your customer service hours to accommodate early morning and late evening shoppers. This time of the year not everyone is going to be a 9 to 5 shopper. It may cost a few extra dollars to staff your customer service department a few more hours a day, but those extra hours should bring in extra sales.
• Make sure all your reps are fully trained on your store’s policies and they have a copy of policies in reach at all times. All reps should be “on the same page” with policies, a quick meeting with your staff to go over polices and get rid of any gray areas is also suggested.
• There will be one-off situations where you may have to deviate from policy. Make sure this deviation doesn’t become the norm by having such deviations approved and noted by a supervisor. It’s also a good thing to let the customer know that you’re making an exception for them as a one time courtesy.
• Attitude is everything! Your customer service department is going to be busy, so make sure you’re not overworking your reps to the point where they’re not providing courteous service to your customers. Make sure they have scheduled breaks so they can de-stress and prepare to get back to work. Providing motivation throughout the day goes a big way too, bring in some pizza, hop on the phone yourself to help out when it’s busy and don’t forget to acknowledge good service when you see or hear it.

Warehouse:

• Just like customer service, you are going to want to adjust your warehouse hours accordingly to keep up with the holiday demand. You don’t want orders sitting in a warehouse for two, three or four days because you’re not staffed properly. Your customers expect their orders to be shipped on time, so don’t let them down.
• Always make sure that express packages that customers are paying extra for, get out on time. You don’t want to be issuing refunds for shipping because the warehouse “forgot” to get air orders out before ground.
• Spot check packages to make sure the items inside have been packaged properly. You don’t want breakage – especially this time of the year! Pull packages that have been packed and prepared for shipment and open them up to make sure breakable items are wrapped properly, the right amount of dunnage has been used and any promotional material has been inserted with the items.
• If you haven’t done so already, now is the time to move your fast selling items to the head of your pick line. This saves lots of time and keeps your warehouse moving.
• Safety should always be on the top of everyone’s mind in the warehouse. While the pace of operations has increased, common sense should still prevail. Make sure no short-cuts are taking place that could result in injury and that your warehouse staff is trained on proper lifting and equipment use. And never, ever, let people operate machinery that they haven’t been properly trained on.
• Create daily goals for package output and accuracy – and reward your staff for hitting those numbers. A pizza party on Friday goes a long way and be sure to constantly motivate the guys and gals doing the heavy lifting! They’re the lifeblood of your operation and they’re literally busting their butt for you this time of year. “Atta-boys” all around!

Your eCommerce Store:

• What does your store look like? I hope you have a nice holiday header that’s free of flashing lights, blinking reindeer noses and falling snowflakes littering the screen. Just like department stores decorate for the holiday, you should have your store showing some spirit as well. But don’t go overboard! You want to put people in the holiday shopping mood – not turn the off.
• Create a gift buying section on your site broken down into categories that make sense to your customers. Gifts for Him, Gifts for Her, Gifts for Kids 12 and Under…. you get the picture. Don’t make customers hunt all over for gift items, lead that horse to the water!
• Make sure your polices are up to date – especially your return policy – and provide a link to your policy page in your order confirmation. One thing you don’t want to do is make your policies so restrictive nobody wants to buy from you. Returns are a part of doing business and you’re going to get items back, don’t look at returns as an enemy!
• Prominently post your customer service telephone number, extended holiday hours and any other contact information on your site for easy shopper reference. A telephone number should always be in the header of your website.
• If you’re using live chat, USE IT! I’ve seen way too many sites offer live chat but when you go to use it you’re prompted with a “sorry, we’re closed” message. Most live chat programs allow you the ability to use a different graphic when your chat reps are unavailable – take advantage of that. Don’t promote live chat when nobody is around to, well…. chat.
• Check your home page featured items. If they’re out of stock, remove them!

I just finished noshing on some overdone, over-breaded chicken tenders and greasy french fries which my body will punish me for later when I’m 38,000 feet in the air. But the fries were sprinkled with sea salt so I think some part of that lunch may have been good for me.

I got to thinking about chickens as I dunked the tender into a ramekin of wing sauce. They’re a very versatile bird which us humans have managed to exploit completely. We use their eggs in cholesterol raising breakfast delicacies, enjoy their breasts, legs and thighs “original” or “extra crispy,” slather their wings in 20 different sauces and put our heads down at night on pillows filled with what used to keep them warm.

But what about the turkey?

This bird tends to only satisfy our craving for meat on Thanksgiving or if you happen to be at Disney World and have an intense desire to chew on a turkey leg. You can’t go to the golden arches and order Turkey McNuggets. Burger King has yet to introduce a Turkey Whopper. And I don’t see the Asian Turkey Salad on Wendy’s menu. Almost every good Asian-inspired restaurant has bird on the menu – duck and chicken – but no turkey.

Bad news for the chicken.

As we consume more and more chicken, the demand goes up. Someone said to me yesterday, “did you see the size of the breasts at KFC lately?” Not knowing whether I was stepping into a trap or not, I proceeded with caution. Unfortunately as the demand for chicken goes up, the chicken farmers need to rely on artificial means to get the birds to optimum size quickly and that may result in some chickens who are less bosomy than others.

I for one, enjoy turkey and look forward to the once a year treat complete with plenty of gravy, stuffing and instant mashed potatoes (as they taste much better than the peel-and-mash-by-hand type). Maybe it’s best we keep eating chicken and save the bigger bird for those special occasions.

After all, pumpkin pie just doesn’t taste as good with chicken as it does with turkey.

Thanksgiving. The day of the year that officially kicks off the holiday season where we’re all supposed to stop and give pause to everything we’re thankful for. It’s also the day where every business you’ve bought something from within the past 365 days sends you an email thanking you for being one of their valuable customers.

For me, Thanksgiving is nothing more than another annoying day of the year where I have to “spend time” with “the family” while everyone argues about who did what, why so and so can never be on time for dinner, why the potatoes are cold and who is to blame for voting Obama into office.

This year, I pledged not to host any holiday meals at my house. Not Thanksgiving, not Christmas Eve, not Christmas Day, not even New Years. This is a reversal from the past when I actually wanted to do this. Not any more. I’ve resigned myself to the belief that planning these things takes way too much effort for very little return.

As I’m writing this, I’m on a plane heading from Del Boca Vista to Pennsylvania where I’m scheduled to have dinner at my father’s house. I wanted to stay in Florida for the holiday, however my oldest brother has this warped view of “family” that just doesn’t hold its place in 2009. He envisions the perfect Donna Reed dinner where everyone smiles, says “please” and “thank you” when food is passed and we all enjoy the company of each other.

The reality is much different. What will end up happening is he will fight with my father about who is going to carve the turkey, chase my father out of the kitchen for lifting lids on pots checking to see if the beans are done, yell at my other brother and me for making off-color remarks and we’ll all leave full, but not wanting to see each other until next Thanksgiving.

So, I’m sitting in 2F preparing myself for the day that lies ahead and checking my bag to make sure I brought the Xanax to help me through the day.

But before I put the laptop away, I wanted to offer my own gesture of thanks for the things I’m most thankful for this holiday.

I’m thankful for duct tape. That magical, yet strong, adhestive tape that gets those of us who are not mechanically inclined out of so many troublesome situations. It also comes in handy on flights like today’s where kids are screaming. A little across the mouth and even the noisiest of flights can be quiet again.

I’m thankful for the lack of traffic heading to the airport this morning. Usually I-95 from Boca to Lauderdale is a mess this time of the morning with people heading to work, but on this Thanksgiving, I was one of about 50 vehicles on the road which made my 20 minute drive last 3 minutes less than normal.

I’m thankful for the federal government. No, no, no, not the guys in Washington, they’re all crooks. I’m talking about the Feds who are currently rooting out the criminal politicians in Luzerne County, PA. They nailed gangster judges Mark Ciavirella and Michael Conahan in the “kids for cash” scandal which will net these former upholders of the legal system prolapsed rectums after their stint in prison, as well as 17 other individuals who got too greedy. Jail time for a $1,500 tailor made suit? Only here folks. Only here.

I’m thankful for Farmville. I’m thankful I never even spent one second collecting sheep or whatever you do when you have way too much time on your hands or just want to steal time from the company while you browse Facebook at work.

I’m thankful for Twitter. Where else can I tell people what I’m doing in 120 characters or less. Mind numbing yes, but do people really care if I’m sitting at a bar next to a crossdresser named Louie (aka Louise) telling me about his/her/its upcoming gender reassignment surgery?

I’m thankful for Xanax, Lisinopril, Crestor, Lexapro, Cialis and Prilosec. Without my daily intake of these wonder-drugs I would be even more miserable than I already am. And who would want that?

I’m thankful for English as a Second Language. Without this program, the individual who rear-ended me on I-95 a few weeks ago would have never been able to tell the state trooper he was talking on his cell phone and not paying attention when he slammed into me in stopped traffic.

I’m thankful for airbags. As in the airbags that never deployed despite being hit by the above mentioned individual who was traveling about 45 mph at the time of impact. Special thanks to Ford Motor Company for that extra special treatement as well. Now I drive a BMW.

I’m thankful for Microsoft. Without them I would have never discovered the joys of the Mac. But I do miss the “blue screen of death” it always comforted me to know that Bill Gates hates me so much that he would make my computer crash just as I was finishing that report that took me 4 hours and never auto-saved.

I’m thankful for GoGoInflight. Without it my twice weekly, 2-hour flights to and from Florida would actually seem like 2-hour flights.

I’m thankful I have a Gulfstream V. I’m also thankful that AirTran charges me $12,431.00 less to get me back and forth to Florida.

I’m thankful that I’m dillusional at times. It makes life so much more interesting.

I’m thankful for purchasing ActiveFunShop.com. I never envisioned myself being a purveyor of sex toys, but it did inspire me to pick the title of my upcoming book which chronicles my life and business adventures. “From Ferret Clothes to Cock Rings.” Look for it at a book store near you in 2010.

I’m thankful for Rich Connor. He’s the owner/publisher/editor/janitor/go-to-guy at the WIlkes-Barre Times Leader. Only Rich could get sued by a competitor and settle out of court with his punishment being that he has to write a “letter of apology” to the other paper’s readers. Rich, I need your lawyers. Plus, you owe me a steak dinner at your house, like an elephant, I never forget.

On a serious note, this year has been one that I will never forget and one that I want to forget. It’s been a year of triumph and despair. I went from riding high following the sale of one of my businesses to a publically traded company to hitting rock bottom when my best friend and partner of 16 years left me.

When I thought that I wouldn’t be able to go on without him and things looked grim, I challenged myself to start over, to reinvent myself and begin a new life without looking back, without regret and with all eyes on the future. I would have never, ever, been able to accomplish this without the help, support and ears of so many friends and family members. I’m not going to mention them by name here, because I don’t want to inadvertenly leave anyone out, but you know who you are.

I’m thankful for Kleenex. Because I still cry. I cry a lot. But I smile too, knowing that life isn’t that bad. Knowing that life does indeed go on. And knowing that there are many, many things to be thankful for even if they’re going to be annoying the hell out of me at dinner in about five hours.