FML. It’s one of those abbreviations like LOL, although this one is a little different. FML, or “f**k my life,” is not just a phrase but a popular website similar to Twitter. Participants post short accounts referred to as “life flop stories.” Examples taken from the website include:
Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn’t working. I told her with an e-mail. FML
Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, “Please don’t drink anymore, I really worry about your health” written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn’t ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said “So you’re going to drink anyway?” FML
I lead a very interesting and unique life which often results in several FML moments a day. What better place to share them, then here on my blog for others to read and say, “how does he get into situations like this?”
I grab a seat at the bar of an Italian restaurant in Boca Raton. The bar was pretty full, so I ended up sitting next to another gentleman. I order a martini, and after a few moments he starts a conversation that went something like this:
HIM: You have very nice skin.
ME: Well thank you.
HIM: You don’t have one wrinkle!
ME: Well, people usually tell me I’m going to get skin cancer for always being sun burnt and lecture me on the importance of seeing a dermatologist, so this is quite refreshing.
HIM: You’re pretty young aren’t you?
ME: I don’t know how old you think I am, but if you’re buying the drinks, I can be as young as you want me to be.
HIM: Well, you look around 29 or 30 and your skin is beautiful. And that smile! Oh! I love your smile.
ME: Well, thanks, but you’re a little off. I’m 39. How old are you?
HIM: I’m 60. Does that make me too old for you?
It was then when my appetizer arrived and I was ready for another martini. At this point, I didn’t know if I was being “chatted up” or what, so I went along for the ride. We chatted throughout dinner about different things while the piano player was singing tunes from the Tony Bennett Songbook.
As my dish of spumoni arrived, the piano player said, “I want to send out this next song to Paul. Paul is getting married Friday night and is ready to embark on the happiest days of his life.” Jokingly, I turned and said, “Happiest days of his life? I feel sorry for the poor son-of-a-bitch, his life is over!” While the bartender laughed, this particular gentleman started crying.
HIM: I’m sorry, but I didn’t appreciate that comment.
ME: Well, I’m sorry, if I offended you, but I didn’t take you as the marrying type.
HIM: I just want you to know that my wife of 35 years passed away 11 days ago, and I never had an unhappy day.
It was at that exact moment when I asked for the check.