Before you write this off as just another rant about Timeline, hang in there, I’m not going down that road. I happen to like the most hated update to the social networking site but I dislike everyone else clogging up my newsfeed complaining about it.
While Timeline may be on your “most hated” list, I’ve got other things that cause my hemorrhoids to flair:
- Posting in all caps. For those of you who are new to the Internet and like the little light that illuminates when your caps lock key is selected, typing in all caps means you’re screaming at people. Yeah, it does! It also means if you’re on my friend list, you get three all caps posts before I ditch you. GET IT?
- Posting rumors. Folks, if you feel the need to share a post about cell phones that explode in car washes, serial killers hiding under your vehicle, Facebook donating money if you share the picture of a burned baby, or the benefits of eating chicken feet for lunch on Thursday’s, check Snopes.com first. Facebook is a great place to perpetuate silly urban myths. Snopes.com is a great place to see how gullible you are.
- “If you really love me” posts. You’ve seen these before. They usually go something like this, “I want to see if you read my posts. If you do, take this status and put it as your status for the next five minutes. It will mean so much to me and my family.” Really? How much does it mean to you and your family? If I don’t keep this crap flowing will my underarm hair fall out? Will I never be able to eat hot dogs again? If this is all you have to post, go back to bed.
- Memes. A meme is one of those annoying photos of cats or Chuck Norris with some stupid phrase written on them like, “Go ahead, make my pizza.” Some of you, and you know who you are, post dozens of these a day. Stop the madness! Gene Wilder staring at me in his Willy Wonka outfit is starting to freak me out.
- Politics and Religion. Facebook is a big old case of Lux Toilet Soap with reinforced sides so you can stand on it and spew your views about the president, how socialized medicine will destroy the planet and why one should find God. Now we’re all entitled to our opinions and our beliefs, but I’d rather not see them in my newsfeed. It’s almost like going to the drive thru at McDonalds and getting the latest issue of The Watchtower with my Big Mac. If I want to read about politics or religion, I’ll pick up a copy of the National Enquirer.
I could make it number six, but another thing I hate about Facebook is how addicting it is. It sucks you in like the “Hot Donuts Now” sign at the Krispy Kreme. Facebook and a dozen glazed are both sticky and that’s how the government wants it to be. You know, the CIA is tracking all your posts, all your shares, all your likes, all your check-ins and is going to use that information when it comes time to select those who will be fed to the zombies who are invading the world on December 13, 2012.
Now go tell all your Facebook friends before it’s too late and POST IT IN ALL CAPS!
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From the mailbag (well, inbox):
Via email: “I spend a lot of money on pay-per-click each month and it generates a very good ROI. I recently tried a few Facebook ads, not sponsored articles, actual ads and I spent a lot of money, but got nothing in return. What are your experiences with Facebook ads?”
Pretty much the same as yours and we’re not alone! If you caught some of the news surrounding the Facebook IPO, advertisers are not getting the bang for their buck and many are leaving and not looking back. While the effectiveness of a Facebook ad campaign is going to vary from business to business and niche to niche, not trying it is like not trying brussel sprouts at least once. After all, you won’t know if it works unless you give it a shot. In your case, the fact that the ad didn’t work could be because of several factors: targeting wrong groups, message was not compelling, image not eye catching, bid amount not high enough, etc. Like PPC, I always advise to try several different ads to see which ones convert better and tweak the ones that aren’t performing. If you’ve done testing, tweaked ads and still can’t get a good return Facebook ads may not be for you, spend that money on traditional PPC.
Via email: “I have a Yahoo! Store and I want to run a BOGO sale on select items. From what I can tell, this isn’t really possible in Yahoo. Any suggestions?”
Yahoo! Store is pretty limited with promotions. Word on the street is that they are coming out with a new feature that will allow you to offer “promotions” to your customers but details have not been released. With that said, all you can do with the Yahoo! Store is offer a coupon code which doesn’t work well for buy-one-get-one deals. My friends at King Webmaster have a product called Promo Manager that allows you to do exactly what you’re looking to do as well as other kinds of promotions. It works with Yahoo! Store so give it a look. Tell ’em I sent you.
Via Facebook: “Scott, I’ve been following you for years and actually used your company to design my store a few years ago (we need a redesign by the way). You are the reason I got into eCommerce. I was fascinated by the story of TheFerretStore.com and you gave me the inspiration to start my own business. I’m four years in, have five employees plus my wife and myself, and we haven’t had a vacation since we opened our store. Being a control freak, I don’t think I can leave my “baby” for a week while we get away, but if I don’t get some time off, I’m going to burn out. Do you have some advice on how business owners like me can take a vacation and actually enjoy it?”
First off, thanks for your comments. I’m glad that my years of selling hats and sweaters for ferrets actually provided someone with the kick in the backside needed to become independent and start their own business. As you know, it’s difficult, but you can’t let yourself get burned out. A few years ago I wrote an article in our magazine about this very issue. Check it out here and hopefully you’ll be able to take that vacation without worrying about whether or not the orders are going out on time.