For those that follow me on Facebook, you’ve probably seen my posts over the years about the emails I receive at my Gmail address that are intended for another “Sanfilippo.” From car service reminders and requests for donations, to social invitations and airline reservations, I’ve been getting them for a while now and always wonder how someone could hand out an email address for so long and not realize it’s not his!
This weekend I received an email that contained a video of a guy proposing to his gal in musical fashion.
Pretty creative if you ask me.
When I receive emails intended for good old Sam, I generally write back, “this isn’t Sam’s email address, sorry.” Those responses haven’t done anything to get people from sending email to Sam at my address. So today I thought I’d take a different approach… What follows is my response to the engagement video email.
First off, congratulations on your engagement! Assuming, of course, that was you being proposed to in the video you sent me.
Now, you’re probably wondering who the heck I am and how I got a copy of your video. Actually you’re not the first person to ask a similar question. So I’ll start off with a pretty long-winded explanation. If you want to go grab yourself a Starbucks and a biscotti, go ahead… then come back and pick up where you left off.
I happen to share the first initial and last name of a friend (or quite possibly a relative) of yours, Sam Sanfilippo. Although Sam and I have never met or even corresponded with each other, I feel like I know him pretty well.
Because Sam seems to think that email@example.com is actually his email address, when it’s actually mine. It’s been mine since I signed up to be part of the Gmail beta program in 2004. Before that I had one of those AOL email addresses everyone used to make fun of me for having. But back when I first got online in 1989, AOL was my provider of choice. My email address back then was firstname.lastname@example.org.
That address served me well over the years. In fact, I have to credit AOL for finding me my first love. Eventually I ditched my AOL email account and have been clinging on to email@example.com ever since. I wish I could say the same thing for that first love I mentioned earlier, he dumped me a few years ago much like what I did with that AOL account.
But I digress.
Back to Sam. My compadre, who I never met, uses my Gmail address as his own either on purpose, by accident, or by actually thinking it’s his. I tend to think it’s the latter, because some of the email I get is actually pretty important.
Around Easter time, Delta Airlines was kind enough to send me the receipt and online checkin email for one of his relative’s flight to LaGuardia which he booked for her. I would have thought that he would have been kind enough to put her in First Class, because you know how uncomfortable coach is. I was going to go into the reservation and buy her an upgrade, but I left well enough alone… but I felt bad because she was assigned a middle seat. Her return flight home did have a delay, but she wouldn’t know that until she got to the airport, because I got that alert as well.
I’m concerned that Sam may be paying a little more for his auto insurance than he should because last month I got an email from Liberty Mutual saying his rate could be less. It was just one of the many emails I get from the Fairleigh Dickinson Alumni Association. Some are about upcoming alumni events they want him and his significant other to attend, others are just about general news… like today’s announcement that Christopher A. Capuano has been named the university’s new president. The holiday mixer sounded like a great time, but he wouldn’t know about it since he never got the email. You may want to let him know about the car insurance tho, as I’m always up for saving money… because that extra cash allows me to drink one or two more martini’s on a Friday night.
One thing I was going to actually respond to was the invitation to the UNICO Pig Roast. Man, there’s nothing I like more than pig… roasted, fried in a pan, served on top of a burger or with a side of fake scrambled eggs (because I don’t like real eggs, they kind of freak me out actually), pork is pretty damn good and that pig roast sounded like it was worth an airline ticket from sunny south Florida to New York. The price wasn’t too bad either and it included beer!
Oh, and then there was the Son’s of Italy Christmas Party! I really hope he was able to attend that. I know events in the winter up there can often times be hampered by a snow storm that sneaks up out of nowhere, but being Italian, I know we tend to have wild parties – especially around Christmas time when Nonna goes all out and makes more food than the Grand Army of the Republic could polish off. Couple the biggest holiday of the year with unlimited Chianti, Doo Wop, bacala, and pasta… and well, ’nuff said.
Before I forget, being that it’s summer and time to start planning a vacation, in case you didn’t know Sam has a vacation condo AND a timeshare you may want to ask him about. I was getting emails about the condo for a while and then they suddenly stopped coming, so maybe he got rid of that. But if he still has the timeshare, why not score a few days somewhere sunny where you can relax by the pool, knock back a few frozens and work on your tan? It’s pretty hot here in Boca Raton this time of year, but it’s not as crowded as it is during “the season” so if you happen to choose this area, let me know maybe we can grab a drink to celebrate your engagement.
One more… his Ford is due for an oil change. Yeah, the dealership sent the service reminder to firstname.lastname@example.org instead of whatever email address is actually Sam’s, so if you have a moment, let him know it’s time for a lube job.
Well, I’ve taken up enough of your time and I hope that I’ve at least put a smile on your face for a Monday. Believe me, I know Monday’s can be rough, but since this is a four-day work week it’s really like a Tuesday.
I would be remiss if I ended this email without taking time to wish you the very best on your engagement. If the video was not of you actually getting engaged, please pass my thoughts on to the lovely couple who are getting ready to enter into marital bliss.
I’ve never been married. I don’t really feel the need to go through all that paperwork, blood tests and church stuff. I like to live by the motto, “why buy the dairy when you can just have the cow?” I may be a bit cynical and jaded after being dumped (remember, I mentioned that earlier), but marriage to me is… well… like buying a car knowing that you can get a better deal if you lease – and be out of it in as little as 24 months.
(Speaking of cars, did you remember to make a note to remind Sam about that oil change?)
But again, best wishes to the lucky couple! When I got your email yesterday I happened to be sitting in a bar in Miami having a couple Mimosas. After watching the video and (admittedly) wiping away a tear that just happened to leak out, I asked the bartender to pour me a shot of Fireball whiskey to toast the occasion. So, cheers!
Thanks again for your time and for allowing me to be a diversion in your day. If you can do me one favor I would really, really, really appreciate it…. let Sam know this isn’t his email address.
I’m not really sure if this will get Sam’s attention… but I’ll be sure to update the post with any response I get.
UPDATE: Many have been asking me to post the video! While the vocal talent of the future groom is good and the emotion expressed by his future bride even better, I don’t want to post the video without permission, however, I’ve taken screen shots which show the moment of the proposal and her saying “yes!” Faces have been blurred to protect identities.